Archive for the ‘New Year’ Category

It’s 2013, Apparently

Posted: January 7, 2013 in New Year
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Well, the alarm clock assaulted my earholes this morning and for a brief second I thought it was 2013.  Turns out it was! Shit!

In actual fact (as opposed to pretend fact, like creationism) it’s been 2013 for a few days now.  No one told me.  I must have been in denial (although that’s in Egypt – ba-dum, tiss!).  I figure I’d better start acting like a person who is determined to make 2013 the year that stuff happens!  Right, where to begin?  I suppose I’d better begin seven days into the New Year, and by that, I mean today!

I’ll start with a run-down of all the important stuff that happened to me in 2012:

  1. I became a Dad for the first time!

Okay that’s that done then.  There isn’t much, really, that can outshine that one.

I’ve actually written down this year’s goals on a bit of paper, as though seeing them in the magical elixir that is Biro somehow intertwines them into the fabric of fate.  These goals are tenfold (I don’t like calling them resolutions; I’m bettering my life not negotiating with Hamas). I shall reveal only two of them for you, and these two will be the least important.

In chronological order:

5. Learn the harmonica

7. Play more PS3 games

One of the goals that failed to make my list was: Don’t be forty this year, but apparently the magic of the New Year doesn’t quite work that way.  I don’t mind turning forty, though.  In fact I’m quite looking forward to it, life begins… and all that; should be fun.  And I’m glad that I feel so positive about it because if I actually felt the opposite – a deep crippling anxiety regarding the fragility of life and the terrifying thought that I’m about to tip over the crumbling precipice of youth and into a middle-aged plummet towards an inevitable but nonetheless empty and silent death – I’d be fucked!

Obviously, this year is going to be dedicated to my wonderful little boy, and then next year I’m going to get a chinchilla.  Then the year after that he’ll be old enough to look after the chinchilla and I can pick up where I left off on Grand Theft Auto!  I’m a genius!

All joking aside, I’d just like to say to you all that I’m going to get some dinner now, so I’ll wish you a happy 2013 and, seeing as we all like a bit of a knees-up/piss-up at any given moment, I would like to invite you all to celebrate, today, with me, the 403rd anniversary of Galileo Galilei’s discovery of “Three fixed stars, totally invisible by their smallness” that lay close to Jupiter (January 7th 1610).  These were of course the largest Jovian moons Io, Callisto and Ganymede (Europa was discovered on the 13th), and I think we can all learn something from that.